Time for a change ..

I've been avoiding life for God knows how long with no particular reasons. It's like I was possessed by that grumpy obnoxious ghost, and the wow factor is I actually enjoyed the ride!
I've willingly sucked the life out of my life, and impudently looked for someone or something to blame. I've not completely got back to my senses, but you know what they say "first step is admitting there's something wrong".
So here I am, as foolish as I can ever get, exposing myself to the wide public, that I am made a list of the alterations I want to embed in my own life:
- Be great at what I am supposed to be great at.
- Save a life.
- Design and sew a WEARABLE garment.
- Have a puppy.
- Cut the crap!
- Erase the words "procrastination" and "lazy" from my dictionary.
- Fall in love and keep my heart in one piece no matter what.
Last but not least, take me seriously, listen to my advises, and for a change stick to my own plans because hello, dear me, they may work.

عالم جوا عالم

دي الحالة اللي متبقاش فاهم انت عايز ايه و مش مضايق. في حالتي انا بعمل حاجات كتير و تغيرات كتير اوي بس كله في عالم احلامي و خيالاتي الجميل.

 عندي عالم موازي لعالمكم. عالم الوانه بتتغير كل يوم. عالم يوم في تلج و يوم في شمس. عالم لو بصيت فيه على اليمين هتلاقي البدر منور السماء السوداء و النجوم زي اللالئ مستمتعة من فوق على منظر الموج و هو بيسلم على شط الرمال. و عالشمال فيه شمس ساطعة مرسلة اشعتها الحنونة على غابة واسعة فيها من الشجر انواع، الفواكهة و الورود حتى الخضار. عالم عندي فيه كلب وفي و جميل. عالمي مدخلوش بشر غيري و يوم لما بتختلط خيالاتي ببعضها و يتداخل عالمي الجميل بعالمكم العجيب بيتعكر مزاجي!

عالمي فيه انا بطير و بنط عالي، بعرف فيه اغني و اخيط و اطبخ و اعمل كل حاجة. كل حاجة فيه بتضحك و لا جه في يوم شوفت فيه دموع أو حزن. لا يعرف الموت طريق لعالمي و يوم ما هيزحف الموت لقلبه هيكون كمان أنا قلبي مات!

More Precious than Gold

It's like you have been hypnotized, and the words just flow out of your mouth. Even the bitterest things feel good knowing that they will be shared with someone who listens & cares. Your dumbest stories are no longer dumb, for changing your clothes becomes a story that you can tell, if you want to. When you feel that and more, congratulations my pal, you've gained a true friend.

Grandpa, I miss you.

Dead, died, dying, death were following me all day long. Crying, cried, hysterically laughing, not believing, not caring were all my feelings all day long. My stiff hard self, for the first time, was crying out for a hug. A mix of emotions that I can't get. It's not like someone who's really close or someone I even met has passed to the after life, it's just the pain, grief and sadness that suddenly replaced the laughter, joy and smiles.

The word death immediately brings the memory of my beloved grandpa to my mind. The intensity of the word and its action re-open a wound inside my heart. Four is the number of those I lost. Four is the number of those I pray for every night before I go to bed. But the loss of grandpa exceeded all the limits of pain, if supposedly pain has any limits. He was very dear to my heart, recalling his picture in my mind soothe my heart and leave me with comfort and peace. He showed me love in the way love should be shown. He taught me stuff only he could teach. I knew how to please him, how to make him laugh & how to make him giggle. I even knew how to get him furious and angry. I know I miss him, but I cant do anything about it.

RIP grandpa.