Dead, died, dying, death were following me all day long. Crying, cried, hysterically laughing, not believing, not caring were all my feelings all day long. My stiff hard self, for the first time, was crying out for a hug. A mix of emotions that I can't get. It's not like someone who's really close or someone I even met has passed to the after life, it's just the pain, grief and sadness that suddenly replaced the laughter, joy and smiles.
The word death immediately brings the memory of my beloved grandpa to my mind. The intensity of the word and its action re-open a wound inside my heart. Four is the number of those I lost. Four is the number of those I pray for every night before I go to bed. But the loss of grandpa exceeded all the limits of pain, if supposedly pain has any limits. He was very dear to my heart, recalling his picture in my mind soothe my heart and leave me with comfort and peace. He showed me love in the way love should be shown. He taught me stuff only he could teach. I knew how to please him, how to make him laugh & how to make him giggle. I even knew how to get him furious and angry. I know I miss him, but I cant do anything about it.
RIP grandpa.
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